Reliving gym class...

So I was totally the fat kid in gym class. You know, the kids who have no natural athletic ability and are always picked last. The one who is always out first in dodgeball, and really when you're a large slow target I don't blame the other kids. The only saving grace for me was there was a girl who was in my class some years who was the same size as me, but her last name was Butt. Then she was the last kid picked.

Why am I blogging about this? Because last night I totally had to relive my elementary school gym class days. See I agreed to go to a bowling league even though I sucked at bowling. I was told that no one would really be paying attention and not everyone is that good anyway. So there I am, doing my thing and feeling pretty good since I was bowling my best game ever, and I'm watching other people's techniques and stuff when someone comes up to me and says "It's ok, I'm bowling really bad tonight too". In my head I was like "what the hell..." so that totally crushed my bowling high, but I held on a little hope. Then I realized, indeed people are watching you...they're all standing in a row in the back watching...totally made my anxiety worse.

So the first game finishes and I got a score of 104 which is the highest I've ever gotten. Then I looked at everyone else's scores and realized how low mine was. That crushed my high a little more. Then we're a few frames into the second game and the same person comes up and says "(insert husbands name) and I don't care that you're not good". And I was mortified. More embarassed than I really have been since the UDA conference. I realized I had to bowl the ball like 32 more times, and it then was my goal to get up, bowl as fast as I could, and sit down trying to disappear.

I was so embarassed that I literally got sick to my stomach somewhere in the third game and had to go to the bathroom where I barely made it in time to throw up. I half was tempted to call my mom to rescue me but I stuck it out. Then I realized i was totally the biggest girl there (well at least within like 4 ish lanes cause i couldn't see past that), well there was someone my size but she's like 5 or 6 inches taller so she looked way skinnier, and I wanted to disappear more. I was the fat girl in gym class again...well this time it was a bowling alley.

To top it off, the whole ride home I had to fight back tears, which just resulted in a runny nose which made my throat hurt worse.

Needless to say...I'm never bowling again. Or at least til I'm stupid enough to try it again but it definitely will not be in front of other people.

Sad Day...

So today we got a phone call from my Aunt that my Uncle Bob (my dad's older brother) passed away. Now I haven't seen my Uncle Bob since I was 14 or so, but it still was sad to see my small family get even smaller. It's even more sad to think that out of my Dad's 4 siblings, only one is still alive, plus his parents have both passed away as well. I can't imagine what that would be like, and I really feel bad for him. I know it has been a while since my Dad got to see my Uncle Bob because he lives in the middle of Minnesota (like 8 or 9 hours away) and its really in the middle of nowhere. Apparently he had a heart attack and they were trying to take him by ambulance to Minneapolis but they couldn't keep him alive.

It's weird too to think that my family is getting smaller. Like one day Brian and I were talking about the size of our families, and he has like 70 people if you count his immediate family plus aunts, uncles, grandmas, first cousins, and their spouses. I have like 30 but I think that includes a second cousin or two. I sometimes wish I had a big family where we had huge get togethers and what not, but my family just really isn't like that. Then again those with big families sometimes wish that they had smaller families so its one of those "want what you don't have" type thing.

Long week...

It's been a long and tiring week for a variety of reasons, and I spent most of it since Sunday in a slump. I was feeling better today, and I also got to see Brian :) Well while we watched Grey's Anatomy (PS THANK GOODNESS Denny is FINALLY gone...ugh he was so annoying) we were both hungry. I think there was a pancake commercial or something, and we tossed around the idea of IHOP. Well Brian went into the kitchen when the show was over and was digging around his cupboards looking for something. He decided to make pancakes and eggs, but I wasn't allowed to help, and he sent me to watch my "woman show" (aka Private Practice). Anyway, I was so excited when I was presented with this wonderful Mickey Mouse!:



II had to take a picture of my Mickey Mouse pancake. It was DELICIOUS!

There have been a few personal things this week that I'd rather not share, but this poem pretty much sums it all up for me.

Accept Me

I Am I
Do not change me
condemn me
nor put me down
Accept me for what I am
No...you need not agree with me
But accept me
for I am total in being
I have my faults
I have my guilts
But that is who I am
Perfect I will never be
Allow me to be uninhibited
Do not pressure me into feeling
what I do not feel
Accept me when I am flying high
As I have accepted you when
you were flying high
Do not put me down...nor make
me feel unhappy about me
I am I
and I like being what I am
Me.

-Larry S. Chengges

I took the Pledge...

Have you?

SUU's Graduation Speaker choice...

So I was reading on the SUU's newspaper's website today that the 2009 commencement speaker is the Mormon Church President Thomas S. Monson. This to me is a awful choice on behalf of the school, and a few of us from SUU who aren't mormon were talking about it, so I decided to blog about it as well.

Now my personal feelings aside for the Mormon church, I can see why a lot of people are angry about it. Not being from Utah, no one here in Wisconsin (aside from those who are mormon) know who this man is. You cannot claim he has done many things outside of the religion to make him a well-renouned man. Last year's speaker won a Nobel Prize, all of Monson's awards are State given, and his time with President Reagan was short lived. Yes state-wide awards, being that it is a school in Utah, would make him a great choice for speaker. But I am sure there are many many people in the state who have just as many awards. One really can't argue against the fact that Monson's claim to fame is his religious deeds.

On top of that, being that SUU is a public institution, one should not feel like they have to be subjected to a certain religion. Again, yes any LDS person should have every right to speak at graduation, but for reasons other than religion seeing that this is a public institution. Yes its widely known if you go to Utah, people are mormon and you need to understand that. But when it is something REQUIRED (we all know you have to be crowning with a baby or on your deathbed to get out of graduation) is that really fair? I HATE the argument that "oh it's Utah, you should deal with everything revolving around the LDS church". I don't recall having to sign a piece of paper agreeing to that.

I would be embarassed to have my family come to the ceremony if this was the speaker last year when I graduated. My brother even said today that he wouldn't have come (he quite enjoyed the Global Warming rant from last years graduation ha ha) because it would make him really uncomfortable (he's not a religious person). Maybe Monson won't say a single thing pertaining to religion, and I'm sure it will be a great speech, as this man is widely known as a good story teller. But when an issue such as Proposition 8 is so prevalent in today's world, as well as the mormon church's involvement in this issue, isn't this kind of a slap in the face to those who are gay, lesbian, transgender, or have family members who are? I am all for gay marriage, hey it comes down to what happens in the bedroom which is none of my business (ok I do think the issue should have some boundaries, like if a mormon bishop doesn't want to marry a gay couple he should be able to say no without legal action being brought against him), but really is this the time for a speaker from a religion that is so prominent in this issue? Afterall SUU is in hot water with issues pertaining to LGBT issues with the little transgender dorm room placement issue from last year.

I've been told many students are planning on walking out when he starts to speak and/or receives his honorary degree. I say it will be a good thing, and honestly, if this was last year, I'd probably walk out too. Though I imagine the Administration will get wind of this long before the ceremony and decide to take action against those who do.

I realize this may offend 99% of the people who read my blog, and I really want to say this isn't a slam against the mormon church, and I do respect the LDS church a lot (and those of you who belong, and this is my blog I can say what I want). I just think its a really poor choice by the SUU administration. On top of that they're saying that its going to be packed beyond capacity by all the people in the area wanting to come here monson speak. Can you imagine if someone like my parents who travelled almost 2000 miles to see it weren't able to get a seat because of people who had no interest in the ceremony beyond the fact it's the mormon church president? Last year the Centrum was packed, and so I can't imagine what the influx of community could do. Granted yes the community has a right to be there since its a public institution, but again how many will come to see the actual commencement of the graduates?

Maybe I have no right to blog about this, as it doesn't personally affect me. I'm just kind of disgusted lately at things like this. And yes you can argue that one should be open to all things including hearing LDS speakers. In Wisconsin, that argument might be a fair one for many don't know about being LDS, but when you're in Utah, you know that pretty much everything revolves around being or not being LDS.

One of the people I was talking to kept saying "seperation of church and state". It made me laugh cause a few years ago at BYU they demonstrated cause Dick Cheney was their graduation speaker. A politician going into a church school. This is the reverse ha ha, a church man going into a public school.

Maybe Utah just needed another stir-up to keep things exciting.

Secret Trip!

The boy that I love whom you can see here:




Is taking me to the fabulous Silversmith Hotel

(see their website for awesomeness)


In the Windy City (aka Chicago) for 3 days in February!

It's my reward for our fitness challenge.

Aren't I a lucky girl? And this girl is so freaking excited for her trip :)

Goodbye Size 14!

So this morning I crossed into the 160 weight range, which is a range I haven't been in in probably 2 years. Look at me being brave posting my weight. Anyway, as a result, I decided that I needed a treat, so I chose to put my trusty rusty Gap Discount to use.

I wasn't planning on getting pants because pants don't generally fit as well when you lose weight, whereas tops you can get more use out of even if weight loss occurs. However, just for kicks and giggles I decided to try on a size 10 pair of pants from the Gap (I am a 10 at Maurices, but at the Gap I was a 14). AND THEY FIT! As in fit well, like my bum looks fantastic in them (maybe that's too much info). Anyway, I had to share my cute outfit so I borrowed pictures from the Gap website to share.



I got this tank top, to go under this shirt:



With this sweater to go over it all:



And then this pair of fab trouser jeans:



I'm really excited about being a size 10! I know its far from being around a 6 where I should be at the weight of 140, but its still progress. Thanks for putting up with this post about me bragging ha ha.

My school district hates itself...

So I thought this was amusing and quite sums up the stupidity of the job market right now.

I applied to be a secretary at the IQ Academy of the School District of Waukesha, which happens to be the school district I graduated from (go Waukesha West!). The qualifications were a high school diploma and a year of clerical experience (which I have, plus 3 years of clerical experience). I got an e-mail today saying that they didn't feel I was qualified enough for the position.

So basically what they're saying is my high school diploma earned from the Waukesha School District (I had like a 3.8 GPA so its not like I was a bad student) does not qualify me to work for the Waukesha School District...

Nice. Way to have faith in the education you're pimping out...


In reality I realize I'm overqualified seeing as I have 2 college degrees as well, but legally they can't say you're over qualified. I still got a good chuckle out of this though.

To Scrap or Not to Scrap...

...that is the question.

So really this is one of those "give me your opinion posts". I'm gathering all my pictures from my time in Utah together, and I've come to a crossroads on something. Do I scrapbook pictures of an ex fiance and an ex boyfriend and me, or not? Obviously nothing will ever happen with said people (nor would I want it to, I mean exes are exes for a reason), but at the same time they were a part of my life for a good chunk of time. I am still a friend with said ex boyfriend but I don't know. It's like part of me doesn't want to remember them, but the other part of me doesn't want to just throw away that part of MY life during that time. Most pictures of my life during such times involve pictures in situations exclusive to being with said boys, otherwise i'd just scrap the pictures of me and other people I still am in contact with.

Any opinions by any one (even blog stalkers) is greatly appreciated.

Why I love my TV

So a two weeks ago or so I was getting extremely frustrated all the time for no real reason except I felt I never had space. Granted, I have my own bedroom, but it's kind of tiny and lacks any real excitement beyond my laptop and ipod speakers. I never got to watch the TV programs I wanted to due to the fact that my dad is like captain of the TV remote. I never got to play Wii either for the same reason, nor could I watch any DVD's.

My mother, taking pity upon me, got me this loverly present with a random 200 and some dollar Best Buy credit she had: (thanks Bestbuy.com for the picture!)



It's sad to say something brings me so much joy, but it does. I'm much less frustrated, Brian and I can get some form of alone time to watch movies or play Wii (like Lego Indiana Jones!). I also was able to catch up on my DVD watching of Season 3 of Grey's Anatomy and Season 1 of Gossip Girl thanks to the built in DVD player. Best of all, I can do my Wii Fit regularly again!

Which is why I'm posting about my TV. I was feeling rather fat and blobby when I realized I could do some sort of physical fitness at midnight by playing Wii Fit. Now, 45 minutes later, I feel less blobby about myself and got in a semi-decent work out.

Thank you TV (and mom for getting it for me!), I sure do love you.

Now if only my TV could convince me I don't really want a piece of the Lemon Sunburst bread from Great Harvest sitting on our kitchen counter...

2009 Resolutions!

I guess now it's time for the obligatory resolution post. Therefore, these are my resolutions:

1.) Lose 32 more pounds.

2.) Write in a paper journal again. I love to do it, and I have some pretty crafty journals from throughout the years, so I decided I'm going to do it once more. It helps me clear my head, and I think they're fun to have as keepsakes.

3.) Be better with my finances. Though to be honest I never spend money really for fun, but I guess maybe try to pay extra on all my student loan bills and such.

4.) Find a full-time job with benefits. Obama promised me change, so he better damn well bring it in the form of a job for me ha ha.

5.) Be comfortable with driving, and learn how to drive on the highway/freeway. I want to go on road trips with Brian, and we really only can go far away places if I can drive too.

I think those are 5 good things to work on throughout this year. Hopefully I can accomplish them all :)

OH and I found out my secret vacation destination from Brian, so I'll have to blog about that in the near future. I'm super super excited!