I decided tonight that as much as I want to be a grown-up and on my own, that sometimes it really just stinks. I didn't get the job with the Milwaukee Brewers, and I know I said I was just grateful that out of 300 people who applied I got one of 8 interviews, but it still makes me sad. My poor mother has to deal with me after these things, and after my mini-meltdown earlier she gave me a super sweet card and a gerbera daisy from the pink gerbera daisy plant she grew. It was so sweet and I realized how lucky I am for such a great mom as well as a great dad. I have all these hobbies started like sewing another apron, learning the guitar, helping out with the Susan G. Komen walk and the Make-a-Wish run for Wishes, but none of them are filling this void I apparently have. Meeting and hanging out with Brian has been so beneficial though because he definitely has helped fill a large part of that. He's so great and I honestly wish I knew what I did to be able to meet such a great guy. He's so great that I'm hanging out with him on the 2nd despite the fact that Breaking Dawn comes out that day and I have a pre-ordered copy at Barnes and Noble.
I realized that more than anything I'm scared. There are so many changes that have happened to me this summer, and there are more changes to come I'm sure. For one I'm going to Mass on Sunday for the first time in over 5 years. The last time I went I dropped the wafer or whatever its called and got chastised in front of everyone for dropping the body of Christ and how would I feel if I was carrying Jesus and dropped him in real life. And I thought going to the Mormon church was scary...however, I do know going to church again will be beneficial for me. That does not decrease its scariness level though. I am really excited to go back to the Catholic Church, and I even talked about going to confirmation classes tonight with my Mom, that is if I can find the right Catholic Church to attend permanently. Thats the one thing that I adore about the church, you can pick where you go and no one tells you where to go. It always bugged me that you're just supposed to fit and feel comfortable where you're told to go in the Mormon Church. I never fit in where I was told to go ha ha so maybe thats the problem. I don't really want to go back to St. John Neumann. It was a good church to grow up in as a kid, and its where I learned to love singing, but once I got to be a teenager it wasn't the place for me. The one thing that makes me sad about Mass is they hardly EVER sing all the verses to songs, and usually my favorite ones are skipped. However, I'm saying this now, if the song that was sung at Steele's funeral is one of the hymns I am out of there. Then again, Brian is the one taking me to church so that might not work out so well for me...thats ok I'll steal the keys! I'm glad that he is religious (and I know you read this mister, so :P I'm talking about you anyway) because even before I left Cedar I knew i needed to start going back to Mass, I just needed someone to jump start that I suppose. Besides I get to trounce around in a cute dress and who doesn't enjoy that?
This is getting a little too deep for a blog entry so I probably should end it. Only 16 more hours to wait!
Chicken and Pasta Primavera
8 years ago